To My Blogolites:

SO MUCH ON THE BRAIN!!!

1. I've FINALLY resolved and come to the decision that I want to serve a mission, and as soon as possible. I have to work out some situations with school, but then the paperwork goes in! I've been going back and forth for months. And I feel like its not just something I WANT to do, but that I'm being called and need to do it. And since I've made the determination to do it, I've felt such an amazing sensation of peace come over me. I know that it is shaking things up, and I have a feeling I'll be missing some opportunities because of it. But I trust that anything that is meant for me will be waiting for me when I get back. And EVEN BIGGER doors will be opening for me! I'd really like a call to somewhere foreign, but I just want to GO!

2. American Idol is OVA! I wanted Danny to win, so the ending was anti-climatic in any sense of the word. But out of the 2 finalists, I'm happy that Kris won. I heard him sing on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon this week, and he is WAY more talented than I even thought. He's awesome, and I think he'll produce an awesome CD.

3. SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE is back!!! I fell in love with this show when I saw the tour a couple years back. So far is seems that there have been some BREATHTAKING contemporary dancers, but we will see what Vegas week does to people.

4. I think my friendships, especially the ones that I deal with consistently, are back to being normal. I think. In any event, I haven't been nearly as frustrated or disgusted or (insert synonym here) as I had been in the last couple of weeks.

5. Premier of GLEE rocked my socks. My new favorite show. In the fall when it comes back.

6. I wish people would understand the happiness that comes from not compromising your life in the gospel. I mean when you LIVE it, 100% , and don't make excuses and justifications for things, or when you don't walk the line between right and wrong, you feel such peace and contentment and happiness. ITS AWESOME!

7. I'm kinda bored right now. I start work next week so I doubt I'll have time to be bored then. I'm excited and nervous and .........yeah those 2 things. I'm MOST excited about the MONNNNNAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!

8. I thought of something that has really been irritating me. It has to do with the fluctuation of the membership at church. I LOVE all the new people, and am sad when people go. But it seems that all of the guys date or want to date the same 3 or 4 girls. And then they make a big deal about how they've either dated or had the chance to date EVERYONE. And it frustrates me because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for any of them. It makes me feel really undesired. Insert lyrics to TLC's "Unpretty" here_____________________. I don't know what it is about me that isn't what anyone wants. And I'm not overly concerned about it. But lately its kinda been rubbed in my face, and that makes it tough.


But I'm still happy!

XOXO

Blogger Girl

I just don't know anymore...

I don't understand it. I don't get how I can go from thinking the WORLD of someone, adoring a person, to absolutely hating hearing that person's name and being around that person at all.

I just don't know anymore. I'm tired of being frustrated with all of this.

Is it A-D-D if i just want L-O-V-E?

I'm supposed to study. That's what I know. But I'm distracted, hopelessly. Consistently. Distracted.

Every time I start to do something, start to progress, or sit somewhere, I'm hopelessly distracted by my future. I am in a permanent state of daydreaming.

I imagine situations I want to be in. I think about people I want to be with, go places and see things and experience things with. I think about my career and making a difference. I think about someone telling me that I've changed their life.

I think about feeling differently about myself. I think about being the center of attention. I think about being the type of person that catches everyone's eye.

I think about being on TV. About creating tv. Running Tv.

I think about my children. My husband. My in-laws.

I dream about being a singer. About being an actress. About living in front of a camera, or on a stage.

I think about what I would choose for my life and for the people around me, if i could change things in just 1 word.

I think about having all of the answers. About being able to say things to comfort those people who need words of wisdom from me.

I dream about having a best friend. Who needs me. and turns to me for advice. And is always there, no matter what. And comes to me in the good times and bad times. I don't remember the last time I had a best friend. Long ago.

And I think about paradise. I think about my Heavenly Father, and what it must be like to be in His presence. I dream about the day I will see him, see his face. I dream about the Celestial kingdom and everything that will happen there. I think about my family: that will be with me, and the family that won't be. I wonder how those who are not with me will feel, in the kingdoms where they end up.

I'm a hopeless dreamer, but that's because I dream about true love. Not just in the romantic sense, but being truly in love with myself, my life, my job, my place...everything. I'm distracted because I love to love, everything.


Sincerely,

Blogolicious