Dear future hubby,
Here's a list of reasons why you love me. You can't live without me. Well, you could, but you never want to. Here are reasons why you chose me as your eternal companion. This list isn't all - inclusive, ya know.
1. I promise to always care about my relationship with Heavenly Father more than you or I. This isn't being selfish, it's being selfless. I promise to recognize that when we need answers or work, I will turn to the right place. I promise to remember that He has a plan, and that we can get through anything with His help.
2. Let's be real, bi-racial babies are stunningly beautiful. Let's go halvesies on some kids.
3. I'm caring. Kind. Compassionate, and passionate.
4. I'm funny. and goofy. I do my best to cheer you up and make you smile. Your smile makes me smile from the inside out.
5. I have big eyes that see straight into you.
6. My family loves you to death.
7. I am intelligent. and smart. yet still willing to learn.
8. I enjoy doing laundry and washing dishes.
9. I like sports enough to let you watch your games, except during American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance. Unless we have DVR. Then all bets are off.
10. Lady in the streets....;)
11. I'm sick alot, so you get to feel like you're important and take care of me.
REASONS WHY I LOVE YOU BACK
1. You're an honorable priesthood holder.
2. You are strong, trustworthy, and a great leader for our household.
3. You make me truly understand what love is, what the plan of salvation is, and who I am and have the potential to be.
4. You're a genius.
5. You love music almost as much as I do.
6. You're super talented.
7. You're family adores me.
8. You let me watch my shows, even when your game is on.
9. We can be ridiculously goofy around each other.
10. When I look at you, I stop breathing just for a second. You're beautiful.
11. You go out of your way to make me smile.
12. You think I'm perfect, but support me 100% as I try to better myself.
13. You agree to never eat or drink anything blue in the house, and I agree to let you eat seafood in the house as long as you cook it in your own pan. When I'm not home.
14. Our friends respect you highly.
15. You take perfect care of me when I'm sick.
So I thought I'd make these lists to make myself feel better. I know I have certain blessings and promises coming to me, and I don't want to settle for less than perfect for me. I'm not sure who or what or where my future is, but I know that it's amazing. I'm thinking about him tonight.
Until next time,
Senorita Blogacita
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Sweet dream, or beautiful nightmare...either way I don't wanna wake up
I'M HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!
Just not soon. I'm not pregnant or working towards it. Cease freaking out.
I've just been having all kinds of pregnancy/baby dreams in the last couple of months. I think that it means a lot of things. Pregnancy dreams usually are regarding a new phase in one's life, excitement for a new beginning. I'm not sure what "new phase" is approaching, but I assure you that I welcome it with open arms.
The other night I had a dream that I had this tiny, tiny baby girl. She had lots of long dark hair. I remember the intense and overwhelming love I had for her. I recall holding her close to me and never wanting to put her down. I remember looking at her and thinking she was the most beautiful thing ever. I remember letting other people hold her, but then always keeping my eye on her and wanting her back. No one could love her like me, and I didn't want her to love anyone more than she loved me.
It was a great feeling, that dream. On the one hand, I think it's an indicator that I will be a mom and a good one at that. But I believe that there is a deeper meaning to this dream.
I have had it rough lately. Lots of bad things and bad feelings. And dealing with 500 gallons of water is NOT FUN. But the night the pipe burst in my apartment, when I prayed, I thanked Heavenly Father that I was still alive. I told Him that I was happy to still have an apartment, even if it is water logged. I told him that I believe in the promises in my patriarchal blessings, and that I need them and want them. I felt complete peace.
And then I had that dream. I think God was trying to show me how he sees me as his daughter. He never wants to let me go, and he has this amazing love for me. Sometimes he lets me wander, but he never loses track of me. When I woke up, I was in awe. I whispered out loud, "You love me that much?" I started thinking about how much I mess up and make mistakes. But he still loves me that much.
I'm glad that I can be an example, lots of people are examples for me. I have the best friends who really and truly have my best interest at heart, even if they aren't great at showing it sometimes.
I really am a life-aholic. I appreciate all of you, some of you more than you can comprehend.
PS: I'm now officially obsessed with chicken wonton tacos from Applebees. MMMM goodness.
Love and Peace,
Lady Blog Blog
Just not soon. I'm not pregnant or working towards it. Cease freaking out.
I've just been having all kinds of pregnancy/baby dreams in the last couple of months. I think that it means a lot of things. Pregnancy dreams usually are regarding a new phase in one's life, excitement for a new beginning. I'm not sure what "new phase" is approaching, but I assure you that I welcome it with open arms.
The other night I had a dream that I had this tiny, tiny baby girl. She had lots of long dark hair. I remember the intense and overwhelming love I had for her. I recall holding her close to me and never wanting to put her down. I remember looking at her and thinking she was the most beautiful thing ever. I remember letting other people hold her, but then always keeping my eye on her and wanting her back. No one could love her like me, and I didn't want her to love anyone more than she loved me.
It was a great feeling, that dream. On the one hand, I think it's an indicator that I will be a mom and a good one at that. But I believe that there is a deeper meaning to this dream.
I have had it rough lately. Lots of bad things and bad feelings. And dealing with 500 gallons of water is NOT FUN. But the night the pipe burst in my apartment, when I prayed, I thanked Heavenly Father that I was still alive. I told Him that I was happy to still have an apartment, even if it is water logged. I told him that I believe in the promises in my patriarchal blessings, and that I need them and want them. I felt complete peace.
And then I had that dream. I think God was trying to show me how he sees me as his daughter. He never wants to let me go, and he has this amazing love for me. Sometimes he lets me wander, but he never loses track of me. When I woke up, I was in awe. I whispered out loud, "You love me that much?" I started thinking about how much I mess up and make mistakes. But he still loves me that much.
I'm glad that I can be an example, lots of people are examples for me. I have the best friends who really and truly have my best interest at heart, even if they aren't great at showing it sometimes.
I really am a life-aholic. I appreciate all of you, some of you more than you can comprehend.
PS: I'm now officially obsessed with chicken wonton tacos from Applebees. MMMM goodness.
Love and Peace,
Lady Blog Blog
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
That's what you are...
Unforgettable, that's what you are.
Unforgettable, though near or far.
Like a song of love that clings to me,
How the thought of you does things to me,
Never before has someone been more.
Unforgettable, in every way.
And forever more (and forever more)
That's how you'll stay (that's how you'll stay)
That's why darling it's incredible,
That someone so unforgettable,
Thinks that I am unforgettable too.
No never before, has someone been more
Unforgettable (unforgettable) in every way (in every way)
And forever more (and forever more)
That's how you'll stay (that's how you'll stay)
That's why darling, its incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am, unforgettable too
Sunday, December 6, 2009
ARGGGGHHHHH
Its after 1 am and I feel the need to vent some things!
1. STOP BECOMING A "FAN" OF RIDICULOUS THINGS ON FACEBOOK. I want to become a fan of "punching people in the face who become a fan of stupid things".
2. Along those lines, I do not want to join your Mafia, farmville, shopping wars crap. I'm busy and facebook already fuels my ADD. i don't need a legitimate reason to be ignoring school work.
3. I miss Natalie and she's been gone less than a day.
4. Missions, weddings, babies. DANG! everything is moving so fast around me! Everyone is taking these big steps and doing big things. My biggest decision today was whether to wear the black slippers or the blue ones. In the end, I didn't wear either pair.
5. I know you think you loved him, and I know you think he loved you too. I believe that there were real feelings, but you HAVE to let this go. If you knew what he was saying, you'd wonder why you were still holding on to this. I don't think it was what you wanted it to be, or that it was what you thought it was. the longer you hold on, you are going to crash and be hurt for letting yourself feel that way. You know you have something amazing for you, focus on that.
6. I need a vacation. I really hope this Disneyland thing works out. I need to visit some magical land where everyone is happy and has fun.
7. I hate goodbyes.
8. I miss my family and really hope someone comes to see me for Christmas.
9. I hate that I'm constantly sick! AHHHH! I need an immune system transplant. Something is always wrong!
10. I've decided that we're going to honeymoon in Fiji or Barbados. I'm sure he likes the idea of Fiji, but doubt he'll go for Barbados. He's more of the exotic place type, he's seen a bunch of beaches in his life. In fact, he'd probably be more up for something like Greece, Italy, or France. I just want to be lazy and look at pretty water.
11. This time last semester I was blogging about how little I cared about final exams. Some things never change.
12. The series finale of Monk made me cry.
13. The fall finales of Glee, White Collar, and Private Practice were AMAZING!
14. Oat Cluster Cheerios rock my world, thanks Nat.
15. I should go to sleep or at least stare at an outline and pretend that I'm studying.
OK. I'm done rambling.
Goodnight and God speed,
Blogolicious
1. STOP BECOMING A "FAN" OF RIDICULOUS THINGS ON FACEBOOK. I want to become a fan of "punching people in the face who become a fan of stupid things".
2. Along those lines, I do not want to join your Mafia, farmville, shopping wars crap. I'm busy and facebook already fuels my ADD. i don't need a legitimate reason to be ignoring school work.
3. I miss Natalie and she's been gone less than a day.
4. Missions, weddings, babies. DANG! everything is moving so fast around me! Everyone is taking these big steps and doing big things. My biggest decision today was whether to wear the black slippers or the blue ones. In the end, I didn't wear either pair.
5. I know you think you loved him, and I know you think he loved you too. I believe that there were real feelings, but you HAVE to let this go. If you knew what he was saying, you'd wonder why you were still holding on to this. I don't think it was what you wanted it to be, or that it was what you thought it was. the longer you hold on, you are going to crash and be hurt for letting yourself feel that way. You know you have something amazing for you, focus on that.
6. I need a vacation. I really hope this Disneyland thing works out. I need to visit some magical land where everyone is happy and has fun.
7. I hate goodbyes.
8. I miss my family and really hope someone comes to see me for Christmas.
9. I hate that I'm constantly sick! AHHHH! I need an immune system transplant. Something is always wrong!
10. I've decided that we're going to honeymoon in Fiji or Barbados. I'm sure he likes the idea of Fiji, but doubt he'll go for Barbados. He's more of the exotic place type, he's seen a bunch of beaches in his life. In fact, he'd probably be more up for something like Greece, Italy, or France. I just want to be lazy and look at pretty water.
11. This time last semester I was blogging about how little I cared about final exams. Some things never change.
12. The series finale of Monk made me cry.
13. The fall finales of Glee, White Collar, and Private Practice were AMAZING!
14. Oat Cluster Cheerios rock my world, thanks Nat.
15. I should go to sleep or at least stare at an outline and pretend that I'm studying.
OK. I'm done rambling.
Goodnight and God speed,
Blogolicious
To say it in a song, see my spirit
Well, all I really want to do is love you.
A kind much closer than friends use.
But I still can't say it after all we've been through.
And all I really want from you is to feel me.
As the feeling inside keeps building.
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me.
- Jason Mraz, If It Kills Me (aka Jason/Jeanine make out song)
'Cause I can't keep on feelin' the way I do.
And I can't keep on hidin' my heart from you.
I gotta say something before someone else comes through.
'Cause I can't keep on loving you from a distance.
- Elliot Yamin, Can't Keep Loving You
So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you.
And maybe two is better than one.
But there's so much time, to figure out the best in my life.
And you've already got me coming undone.
And I'm thinking two is better than one.
- Boys Like Girls, Two Is Better Than One
My feelings area always wrapped up in a song lyric. I've been that way for years. But it just doesn't make sense how captivated I am. I'm here and I'm sick, and busy, and I have a million things to do. But I see him everywhere in everything, but I know that I'm probably less than an afterthought for him.
I wish he would see me for my spirit. I think he's a rockstar ;).
A kind much closer than friends use.
But I still can't say it after all we've been through.
And all I really want from you is to feel me.
As the feeling inside keeps building.
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me.
- Jason Mraz, If It Kills Me (aka Jason/Jeanine make out song)
'Cause I can't keep on feelin' the way I do.
And I can't keep on hidin' my heart from you.
I gotta say something before someone else comes through.
'Cause I can't keep on loving you from a distance.
- Elliot Yamin, Can't Keep Loving You
So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you.
And maybe two is better than one.
But there's so much time, to figure out the best in my life.
And you've already got me coming undone.
And I'm thinking two is better than one.
- Boys Like Girls, Two Is Better Than One
My feelings area always wrapped up in a song lyric. I've been that way for years. But it just doesn't make sense how captivated I am. I'm here and I'm sick, and busy, and I have a million things to do. But I see him everywhere in everything, but I know that I'm probably less than an afterthought for him.
I wish he would see me for my spirit. I think he's a rockstar ;).
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Let it be me
Let me make this clear...I'm having an incredibly hard time. Nothing is right. I'm confused, hurt, sad, depressed, mad, tired, sick, and anything else you can think of.
But in the middle of all of that, the thought of him helps me understand that God is real, and He does love me. Strange how thinking of him does that, because I'm not sure what I even know about him.
"Let it be me" - Ray LaMontagne
There comes a time, a time in everyone's life
where nothin' seems to go your way
where nothing seems to turn out right.
there may come a time, you just cant seem to find your place.
for every door you open, seems like you get two slammed in your face
that's when you need someone, someone that you can call.
and when all your faith is gone
It feels like you cant go on...
let it be me.
let it be me.
if its a friend that you need,
let it be me
let it be me
feels like you're always coming up last.
pockets full of nothin' and you got no cash
no matter where you turn you aint got no place to stand.
reach out for something and they slap your hand.
now i remember all too well
just how it feels to be all alone.
you feel like you'd give anything
for just a little place you can call your own.
that's when you need someone, someone that you can call.
and when all your faith is gone,
feels like you cant go on...
let it be me.
let it be me.
if its a friend you need,
let it be me.
let it be me.
And the song is not just about him. Sometimes we have friends that we expect to be there when we need them. And sometimes we have friends that we'd never before thought to call on. I've had a super hard time, and you've been an amazingly wonderful friend to me. I appreciate it more than you know! Love you!
But in the middle of all of that, the thought of him helps me understand that God is real, and He does love me. Strange how thinking of him does that, because I'm not sure what I even know about him.
"Let it be me" - Ray LaMontagne
There comes a time, a time in everyone's life
where nothin' seems to go your way
where nothing seems to turn out right.
there may come a time, you just cant seem to find your place.
for every door you open, seems like you get two slammed in your face
that's when you need someone, someone that you can call.
and when all your faith is gone
It feels like you cant go on...
let it be me.
let it be me.
if its a friend that you need,
let it be me
let it be me
feels like you're always coming up last.
pockets full of nothin' and you got no cash
no matter where you turn you aint got no place to stand.
reach out for something and they slap your hand.
now i remember all too well
just how it feels to be all alone.
you feel like you'd give anything
for just a little place you can call your own.
that's when you need someone, someone that you can call.
and when all your faith is gone,
feels like you cant go on...
let it be me.
let it be me.
if its a friend you need,
let it be me.
let it be me.
And the song is not just about him. Sometimes we have friends that we expect to be there when we need them. And sometimes we have friends that we'd never before thought to call on. I've had a super hard time, and you've been an amazingly wonderful friend to me. I appreciate it more than you know! Love you!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Deep inside, it was a rush. What a rush!
Welcome to my insanely huge doesn't make sense totally in love can't live without that boy crush.
I don't know how long I'll be obsessed with this kid. Insert lyrics to David Archuleta's 'Crush' here ______________. But I'm simply fascinated by him. By everything I know about him, and everything I don't know, and everything I want to know.
I'm so unsure of things, often. But I think of him, or look at him, and absolutely feel God's love for me. Does is make sense? No. He's not even mine, yet. But for God to put that much goodness, gorgeousness, intelligence, and amazingness in one person...He HAS to love me. A lot. This kid doesn't have to be mine for me to get that. There's one out there for me, if he isn't it. But I'm pretty sure he is it. Yup. Then all the dreams make sense :).
I want my story to be one that doesn't make sense. I want to meet him and know he's it, and then we move from there. We think about love, we rationalize it. We try to mold it and force it into a box. But I want a love so real and true that I can't even think about it. I just have to feel it. I want the stuff where I can't articulate it to anyone. I want people to think I'm crazy because I haven't known or dated him long enough. I want to love him with my heart, and lose my head doing it.
He has the most breathtaking eyes on the planet. :-)
I don't know how long I'll be obsessed with this kid. Insert lyrics to David Archuleta's 'Crush' here ______________. But I'm simply fascinated by him. By everything I know about him, and everything I don't know, and everything I want to know.
I'm so unsure of things, often. But I think of him, or look at him, and absolutely feel God's love for me. Does is make sense? No. He's not even mine, yet. But for God to put that much goodness, gorgeousness, intelligence, and amazingness in one person...He HAS to love me. A lot. This kid doesn't have to be mine for me to get that. There's one out there for me, if he isn't it. But I'm pretty sure he is it. Yup. Then all the dreams make sense :).
I want my story to be one that doesn't make sense. I want to meet him and know he's it, and then we move from there. We think about love, we rationalize it. We try to mold it and force it into a box. But I want a love so real and true that I can't even think about it. I just have to feel it. I want the stuff where I can't articulate it to anyone. I want people to think I'm crazy because I haven't known or dated him long enough. I want to love him with my heart, and lose my head doing it.
He has the most breathtaking eyes on the planet. :-)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Standing at the edge.....
I've come to the conclusion .....that I suck at life.
Really, I'm just bad at it. I suck at it, and THAT in and of itself sucks.
People respond to this by saying "That's not true. You don't suck at life. You're great, wonderful, I love you..." blah blah.
PROVE IT.
I fail to excel at the things I'm most passion about: I want to be a lawyer, but suck at law school. I adore music, but fail as a musician. I love and adore him deeply, but he doesn't see me.
I might have a nice personality, and people might like to be around me. SO WHAT. That's nice, but inconsequential. When it comes down to things, it doesn't matter.
I could mean something to YOU, but I wish I meant something to ME AND YOU. I wish that I was good at something I put my mind to, instead of being ok at things that are afterthoughts.
And maybe it means more than I feel at the moment that people like me. It IS a skill to be liked. I just don't feel liked enough.
You can't prove that I don't suck at life, because it's true. I love hard, I work hard, I believe hard, I pray hard, I fight hard, I cry hard, I comfort hard....but in the end someone else does it better, or more, or the way that other people want. And I'm never good enough.
Really, I'm just bad at it. I suck at it, and THAT in and of itself sucks.
People respond to this by saying "That's not true. You don't suck at life. You're great, wonderful, I love you..." blah blah.
PROVE IT.
I fail to excel at the things I'm most passion about: I want to be a lawyer, but suck at law school. I adore music, but fail as a musician. I love and adore him deeply, but he doesn't see me.
I might have a nice personality, and people might like to be around me. SO WHAT. That's nice, but inconsequential. When it comes down to things, it doesn't matter.
I could mean something to YOU, but I wish I meant something to ME AND YOU. I wish that I was good at something I put my mind to, instead of being ok at things that are afterthoughts.
And maybe it means more than I feel at the moment that people like me. It IS a skill to be liked. I just don't feel liked enough.
You can't prove that I don't suck at life, because it's true. I love hard, I work hard, I believe hard, I pray hard, I fight hard, I cry hard, I comfort hard....but in the end someone else does it better, or more, or the way that other people want. And I'm never good enough.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Same Sad Song...
I kinda feel this today...about life. And people. And everything.
(oooo)...don't wanna try don't wanna try (try try)
(oooo)..don't wanna try no more
(ooo)..don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try
[Verse 1]
i can't believe u had the nerve to say the things u said
they hurt so bad that they ended our relationship
i can't believe it ..4 years gone down the drain
oh how i wish things would of happened so differently
i try'd to save it so many times but you still couldn't see
u kept insistin' and resistin' that u would not fall again
and now ur tryin' to tell me that ur sorry
and ur tryin' to come back home
ur tellin' me u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i
[Chorus]
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
don't wanna try don't wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
that hurt so bad to where we both begin to cry
don't wanna try don't wanna try i 'bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin' on when all we do is hurt our love
[Verse 2]
u and i had many conversations on the telephone
talks about one day we having a place of our own
wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
but all of that just seems so far away from me
had to wake up face reality
it all just seem to good to be true after all you put me through
and now ur tryin' to tell me that ur sorry
and ur tryin' to come back home
u tellin' me that u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i
[Chorus]
don't wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
don't wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
that hurt so bad to where we both begin to cry
dont wanna try don't wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin' on when all we do is hurt our love
(don't wanna try don't wanna try)
(don't wanna try no more)
(don't wanna try dont wanna try don't wanna try no more ooo)
(oooo)...don't wanna try don't wanna try (try try)
(oooo)..don't wanna try no more
(ooo)..don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try
[Verse 1]
i can't believe u had the nerve to say the things u said
they hurt so bad that they ended our relationship
i can't believe it ..4 years gone down the drain
oh how i wish things would of happened so differently
i try'd to save it so many times but you still couldn't see
u kept insistin' and resistin' that u would not fall again
and now ur tryin' to tell me that ur sorry
and ur tryin' to come back home
ur tellin' me u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i
[Chorus]
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
don't wanna try don't wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
that hurt so bad to where we both begin to cry
don't wanna try don't wanna try i 'bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin' on when all we do is hurt our love
[Verse 2]
u and i had many conversations on the telephone
talks about one day we having a place of our own
wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
but all of that just seems so far away from me
had to wake up face reality
it all just seem to good to be true after all you put me through
and now ur tryin' to tell me that ur sorry
and ur tryin' to come back home
u tellin' me that u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i
[Chorus]
don't wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
don't wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
that hurt so bad to where we both begin to cry
dont wanna try don't wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin' on when all we do is hurt our love
(don't wanna try don't wanna try)
(don't wanna try no more)
(don't wanna try dont wanna try don't wanna try no more ooo)
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Get out of my dreams....and into my car!
I've always been a dreamer. I dream good things, bad things, and things that will happen. But there's been this semi -theme recently that makes no sense. I will attempt to attach sense to it through my psychological prowess. Maybe.
Dream #1:
There's a guy that "attends" our ward who is crazy. Legitimately "not all there." Anyone who speaks to this guy gets a real glimpse into the life of a person who is nuts. He's not at all attractive, and not in any way, shape, or form my type of man. In this dream, I had agreed to marry him. I remember not being totally in love with him, but sort of having this feeling like it wouldn't be the worst thing ever so I agreed to do it. I think I felt desperate. We were going to McDonalds or something, and I catch him cheating on me. I was stunned. I remember saying something along the lines of "I LOWERED my expectations to be with you, and you still cheated on me????" And then we broke up.
Dream # 2:
This was like 2 sub dreams, which confuzzled me. There was a short, dark haired man with a rather large nose that I was marrying. It was our wedding day. I remember that he wasn't a good person...not in the sense that he was killing people. But it felt like he struggled with testimony. I remember reminding him that he couldn't cuss at the wedding. I remember going around to see people, and feeling like throughout the day I had seen everyone except my new husband all day. I find him in the foyer of the banquet hall, making out with another woman.
Flash to another wedding day. TOTALLY different feeling. Outdoorsy type wedding. My new husband was making some sort of speech. He was short, had longer blondish hair, and a cute pointy nose. He looked like some California surfer type dude. I remember walking out in my dress, seeing him, and being so sure that he was my eternal companion. I remember this over whelming sense of love that I never could have imagined , but had frequently tried to before that day. He was saying something about his beautiful wife...ME! And I felt his love. For some reason, he was saying all of this while climbing up a rock climbing wall. And I remember that he said something about how our first date was April 14th or April 15th.
WHAT DO THESE THINGS MEAN?
I think I know. I'm preparing myself for marriage. I think God was trying to tell me to not settle, because anything less than what I want will not work out for me. This EXACT thing was articulated in my patriarchal blessing. He's trying to tell me that there is an eternal companion that is perfect for me, and when I meet him he will be worth waiting for. I've been getting antsy lately. But Heavenly Father is reassuring me that this love exists and is real. Perhaps I'll be presented with these 2 choices soon...being antsy, it might be easy to make a bad choice. But I'm grateful for dreams and personal revelations that prepare me for what's to come.
PS- If anyone knows any single, California surfer type dudes that wanna meet me at the temple, feel free to pass along my digits!
Dream #1:
There's a guy that "attends" our ward who is crazy. Legitimately "not all there." Anyone who speaks to this guy gets a real glimpse into the life of a person who is nuts. He's not at all attractive, and not in any way, shape, or form my type of man. In this dream, I had agreed to marry him. I remember not being totally in love with him, but sort of having this feeling like it wouldn't be the worst thing ever so I agreed to do it. I think I felt desperate. We were going to McDonalds or something, and I catch him cheating on me. I was stunned. I remember saying something along the lines of "I LOWERED my expectations to be with you, and you still cheated on me????" And then we broke up.
Dream # 2:
This was like 2 sub dreams, which confuzzled me. There was a short, dark haired man with a rather large nose that I was marrying. It was our wedding day. I remember that he wasn't a good person...not in the sense that he was killing people. But it felt like he struggled with testimony. I remember reminding him that he couldn't cuss at the wedding. I remember going around to see people, and feeling like throughout the day I had seen everyone except my new husband all day. I find him in the foyer of the banquet hall, making out with another woman.
Flash to another wedding day. TOTALLY different feeling. Outdoorsy type wedding. My new husband was making some sort of speech. He was short, had longer blondish hair, and a cute pointy nose. He looked like some California surfer type dude. I remember walking out in my dress, seeing him, and being so sure that he was my eternal companion. I remember this over whelming sense of love that I never could have imagined , but had frequently tried to before that day. He was saying something about his beautiful wife...ME! And I felt his love. For some reason, he was saying all of this while climbing up a rock climbing wall. And I remember that he said something about how our first date was April 14th or April 15th.
WHAT DO THESE THINGS MEAN?
I think I know. I'm preparing myself for marriage. I think God was trying to tell me to not settle, because anything less than what I want will not work out for me. This EXACT thing was articulated in my patriarchal blessing. He's trying to tell me that there is an eternal companion that is perfect for me, and when I meet him he will be worth waiting for. I've been getting antsy lately. But Heavenly Father is reassuring me that this love exists and is real. Perhaps I'll be presented with these 2 choices soon...being antsy, it might be easy to make a bad choice. But I'm grateful for dreams and personal revelations that prepare me for what's to come.
PS- If anyone knows any single, California surfer type dudes that wanna meet me at the temple, feel free to pass along my digits!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Same....Doesn't Feel the Same Anymore.
Let me make this clear to you.
I love you, because I love people. And I appreciate what you've done for me, at some point in time you probably saved my life. You are a great person and I hope you remember that. You deserve greatness and happiness, and I hope you learn soon what that means for you. But that will NOT carry you into the future, at least not with me. I love you, but you've lost my respect. You shouldn't be surprised.
That being said...
I believe I've met some of the most outrageously amazing people on this earth. It's probably true that the people I admire most these days are in bed by 10:30 and wear name tags. One that fascinates me the most, used to. But these are people that go out of their way to make me smile. They are nothing but honest and true to who they are. And if they are in a period of discovery, they aren't hiding that and it just adds to our friendship. I'm super grateful for these people.
I'm most grateful for the church and the gospel I know is true. Lately, I've read scriptures in totally different lights and they make NEW sense to me. I've felt my Heavenly Father whisper into my ear and night and comfort me, love me. It's amazing! Despite the fact that our earthly relationships are volitile, and sensitive, and prone to failure and make ups and break ups all of the time, He is perfect. Uchtdorf said " Though we are imperfect, he loves us perfectly. Though we are incomplete, He loves us completely."
AWESOME!
PS- This family law class I'm blogging in right now is horrendous. I should have dropped this weeks ago. Oops, lesson learned. Except NOT. NO lessons learned, because I don't do anything or understand anything in this class. OH BOY.
I love you, because I love people. And I appreciate what you've done for me, at some point in time you probably saved my life. You are a great person and I hope you remember that. You deserve greatness and happiness, and I hope you learn soon what that means for you. But that will NOT carry you into the future, at least not with me. I love you, but you've lost my respect. You shouldn't be surprised.
That being said...
I believe I've met some of the most outrageously amazing people on this earth. It's probably true that the people I admire most these days are in bed by 10:30 and wear name tags. One that fascinates me the most, used to. But these are people that go out of their way to make me smile. They are nothing but honest and true to who they are. And if they are in a period of discovery, they aren't hiding that and it just adds to our friendship. I'm super grateful for these people.
I'm most grateful for the church and the gospel I know is true. Lately, I've read scriptures in totally different lights and they make NEW sense to me. I've felt my Heavenly Father whisper into my ear and night and comfort me, love me. It's amazing! Despite the fact that our earthly relationships are volitile, and sensitive, and prone to failure and make ups and break ups all of the time, He is perfect. Uchtdorf said " Though we are imperfect, he loves us perfectly. Though we are incomplete, He loves us completely."
AWESOME!
PS- This family law class I'm blogging in right now is horrendous. I should have dropped this weeks ago. Oops, lesson learned. Except NOT. NO lessons learned, because I don't do anything or understand anything in this class. OH BOY.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Scared of Lonely
I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely
I cry at night 'cause my baby's too far to be by my side
To wipe away these tears of mine so I hold my pillow tight
To imagine you I'll stretch your hand looking for mine
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I need your break when nobody is around
'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness
I think I'm drowning, I can't be lonely
And I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of be the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely
Sometimes I wonder if ANYONE I've met in the last year is a genuine, real person. And when I struggle to come up with a name, I struggle to understand and remember why I ever made this choice in the first place.
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely
I cry at night 'cause my baby's too far to be by my side
To wipe away these tears of mine so I hold my pillow tight
To imagine you I'll stretch your hand looking for mine
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I need your break when nobody is around
'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness
I think I'm drowning, I can't be lonely
And I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of be the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely
Sometimes I wonder if ANYONE I've met in the last year is a genuine, real person. And when I struggle to come up with a name, I struggle to understand and remember why I ever made this choice in the first place.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if they lead NOWHERE? Or would it be a waste, even if knew my place? Should I leave them there?
1. Saturday was one of the best days EVER. It was like missionary oasis. If you know me, you know that I get attached and many of them are my friends. I got to see some missionaries that gave talks. One missionary and I almost hugged, but fear not....no contact was made. It was super awesome.
2. And then today super sucked.
A. Sucky thing "A": I don't understand why this kid is giving me the cold shoulder. I almost don't care anymore. I'm not trying to marry him, or even date him. But I DO think he's one of the most awesome people on the planet and I thought he'd be a good friend. But alas, it appears that he could care less. And as a result, I guess I could care less too. Shame.
B. Sucky thing "B" : I don't understand how you can continue to act like nothing happened, like you didn't wrong me, like you don't owe me, and like its a non-issue. It IS an issue, and you've don't nothing, and I mean NOTHING to try to make it right. Stop changing the subject, or ignoring me when I bring it up.
C. Sucky thinkg "C": I feel like the people I can really trust ( eh, give or a take a couple) are on missions or live far away. The only people that have shown that they can be good friends. And maybe that's only BECAUSE they are on missions. In any event, it sucks.
D. Sucky thing "D" : You, sir, are the most inconsistent friend I know. One day you'd like to be here, talking to me, hanging out and being "intellectually and spiritually stimulating." But at other times I feel like you don't care that I exist. As long as something better is around, you can't be bothered. And sometimes you're just rude.
E. Sucky thing "E" : I can't stand how people find someone, get in a new relationship, and then as a result become another person and mentally check out. I don't think a person should CHANGE you, he/she should COMPLETE you. so if you are someone new just because you're in a relationship, then you haven't learned enough about yourself from the beginning.
On the plus side of things, sometimes you find the best treats in the most unexpected places:) Thank you ladies, for understanding that I don't need a "perfect" friend, but just a person who's being the best friend that they can be.
And no matter what, I still think something is near for me. My dream and fantasy is close, and I'm learning and loving every minute of it.
1. Saturday was one of the best days EVER. It was like missionary oasis. If you know me, you know that I get attached and many of them are my friends. I got to see some missionaries that gave talks. One missionary and I almost hugged, but fear not....no contact was made. It was super awesome.
2. And then today super sucked.
A. Sucky thing "A": I don't understand why this kid is giving me the cold shoulder. I almost don't care anymore. I'm not trying to marry him, or even date him. But I DO think he's one of the most awesome people on the planet and I thought he'd be a good friend. But alas, it appears that he could care less. And as a result, I guess I could care less too. Shame.
B. Sucky thing "B" : I don't understand how you can continue to act like nothing happened, like you didn't wrong me, like you don't owe me, and like its a non-issue. It IS an issue, and you've don't nothing, and I mean NOTHING to try to make it right. Stop changing the subject, or ignoring me when I bring it up.
C. Sucky thinkg "C": I feel like the people I can really trust ( eh, give or a take a couple) are on missions or live far away. The only people that have shown that they can be good friends. And maybe that's only BECAUSE they are on missions. In any event, it sucks.
D. Sucky thing "D" : You, sir, are the most inconsistent friend I know. One day you'd like to be here, talking to me, hanging out and being "intellectually and spiritually stimulating." But at other times I feel like you don't care that I exist. As long as something better is around, you can't be bothered. And sometimes you're just rude.
E. Sucky thing "E" : I can't stand how people find someone, get in a new relationship, and then as a result become another person and mentally check out. I don't think a person should CHANGE you, he/she should COMPLETE you. so if you are someone new just because you're in a relationship, then you haven't learned enough about yourself from the beginning.
On the plus side of things, sometimes you find the best treats in the most unexpected places:) Thank you ladies, for understanding that I don't need a "perfect" friend, but just a person who's being the best friend that they can be.
And no matter what, I still think something is near for me. My dream and fantasy is close, and I'm learning and loving every minute of it.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Holy Mormon Engagements, Batman!
Sudden surge of engagements. Oh sweet mama. I'll come back to this, but it was one of those things that I just had to vent while I was still here at school.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Its not the day after today...
Today was a good day. I don't know that anything super special happened. But I did witness one of the most amazing and powerful baptisms. I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU SACHI!!!!
And I got to see some old missionary pals. Fun stuff. But I do think I learned about myself tonight.
1. I DO matter. I may not matter to everyone, or matter much to anyone. But I realized tonight that God does use me as a tool to say and do things to further His work. Maybe someday I'll be important to many. But today, for the first time in a while, I felt and understood that nothing would be the same without me. Be that it would be better, or worse, or just different. But I have an impact on the world. That's a big step for me. I have felt for quite some time that I could be removed from the equation and no one would notice. But alas, that is not the case!
2. I'm a jealous person. More on that later.
3. I like this effort to be less sensitive. I mean, I love my sensitivity. I think it makes me caring and keeps me honest. But I used to take everything personally. And cry about everything. But lately I have really been trying to just let things go. And it makes life much more enjoyable. When I choose not to dwell on things that normally would upset me, or I take the time to understand and validate why I feel the way I do, I understand myself better. And when I understand myself better, I love myself better. And believe it or not, I can love God better when I love myself better. So a big plus.
4. I read and understand behavior and motives very well. And this leads to me being irritated. but I have to learn how to handle that like I have learned in number 3. Also, its only on my mind because of number 2.
Love always,
Blogeramma
And I got to see some old missionary pals. Fun stuff. But I do think I learned about myself tonight.
1. I DO matter. I may not matter to everyone, or matter much to anyone. But I realized tonight that God does use me as a tool to say and do things to further His work. Maybe someday I'll be important to many. But today, for the first time in a while, I felt and understood that nothing would be the same without me. Be that it would be better, or worse, or just different. But I have an impact on the world. That's a big step for me. I have felt for quite some time that I could be removed from the equation and no one would notice. But alas, that is not the case!
2. I'm a jealous person. More on that later.
3. I like this effort to be less sensitive. I mean, I love my sensitivity. I think it makes me caring and keeps me honest. But I used to take everything personally. And cry about everything. But lately I have really been trying to just let things go. And it makes life much more enjoyable. When I choose not to dwell on things that normally would upset me, or I take the time to understand and validate why I feel the way I do, I understand myself better. And when I understand myself better, I love myself better. And believe it or not, I can love God better when I love myself better. So a big plus.
4. I read and understand behavior and motives very well. And this leads to me being irritated. but I have to learn how to handle that like I have learned in number 3. Also, its only on my mind because of number 2.
Love always,
Blogeramma
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Speaking Louder Than Before
I have failed thee. Thou. All of you. For it hath been many a fortenight since I have blogged to thee. I hope that thou dost forgiveth me.
I have spent the last couple of days really trying to improve myself. I realized that I am quick to point out how others or weak or failing, but I can do much to improve myself.
Namely, I'm trying not to be so sensitive. I cry a lot. And I get angry very easily. But 2 things have really hit me in the heart.
1. I saw a YouTube video that made me cry. It demonstrated how much the Savior loves me, and fights off everything that I fear just because he cares for me. Watch it.
2. Something I heard from MercyMe at the last concert stuck with me. He was talking about how such bad things can happen, or things we don't understand. Even when you're trying to do your best. But in those times, God leans down and whispers in your ear "Watch. Wait and see how this pans out." How awesome to think that Heavenly Father knows me personally, by name. He knows that things bother me. And he knows I have a hard time. But he cares enough for me, personally, to whisper to me and let me know that He has a plan. He wouldn't do anything that wasn't for my good in the end. And no matter how bad I think things are, He always can turn it into a blessing for my life. When you don't understand why things are the way they are, imagine God's comforting hand on your shoulder. And Him saying to you..."just wait and see. I love you...this is going to work out." He knows all and controls all.
When I think about that kinds of love, I'm totally at peace. I'm motivated to do better and become stronger. I'm not worried about the things of this earth, and gaining recognition. I feel his arms around me and I'm not just content, but I'm genuinely happy.
Yay!
Now that those sentiments have been edified, I'm moving on to the annoying stuff.
1. I hate when people think the world centers around them. Its usually pretty girls....or girls slightly less than pretty. they think everyone wants them. It's vain. And irritating.
2. I'm sick of psuedo-friends. People that are there for you when its convenient. And when something better comes along, you're totally forgotten.
3. I need a vacation. Where I can relax and have fun.
4. I'm kinda into law school now that I do the work and understand it. Go figure.
I have spent the last couple of days really trying to improve myself. I realized that I am quick to point out how others or weak or failing, but I can do much to improve myself.
Namely, I'm trying not to be so sensitive. I cry a lot. And I get angry very easily. But 2 things have really hit me in the heart.
1. I saw a YouTube video that made me cry. It demonstrated how much the Savior loves me, and fights off everything that I fear just because he cares for me. Watch it.
2. Something I heard from MercyMe at the last concert stuck with me. He was talking about how such bad things can happen, or things we don't understand. Even when you're trying to do your best. But in those times, God leans down and whispers in your ear "Watch. Wait and see how this pans out." How awesome to think that Heavenly Father knows me personally, by name. He knows that things bother me. And he knows I have a hard time. But he cares enough for me, personally, to whisper to me and let me know that He has a plan. He wouldn't do anything that wasn't for my good in the end. And no matter how bad I think things are, He always can turn it into a blessing for my life. When you don't understand why things are the way they are, imagine God's comforting hand on your shoulder. And Him saying to you..."just wait and see. I love you...this is going to work out." He knows all and controls all.
When I think about that kinds of love, I'm totally at peace. I'm motivated to do better and become stronger. I'm not worried about the things of this earth, and gaining recognition. I feel his arms around me and I'm not just content, but I'm genuinely happy.
Yay!
Now that those sentiments have been edified, I'm moving on to the annoying stuff.
1. I hate when people think the world centers around them. Its usually pretty girls....or girls slightly less than pretty. they think everyone wants them. It's vain. And irritating.
2. I'm sick of psuedo-friends. People that are there for you when its convenient. And when something better comes along, you're totally forgotten.
3. I need a vacation. Where I can relax and have fun.
4. I'm kinda into law school now that I do the work and understand it. Go figure.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Its not a love thing, not the way that you think
Today's one of those days where I have a bazillion and two thoughts and they have no order whatsoever, but I want to put the poetry to paper.
1. I appreciate and adore Valerie Mizer muchisimo.
2. I wish someone would unpack and clean my apartment for me.
3. I need someone to come see Mamma Mia with me!
4. I wanna go on a date.
5. I want to go on a mission more than that.
6. I really miss him more than I ever thought I would or could. And I super miss the "other" him. And the other one too. A lot. Valerie is probably the only person who would understand who each "him" is.
7. I had a good day today :). I got paid, work seemed less than pointless, and I had a day where I felt like I'm worth something. I don't need people to fawn over me and tell me I'm great, but a little flirting once in a while really gives my confidence a boost. I don't feel invisible anymore.
8. I wish i had milk. It's really hard for me to sleep without milk.
9. I went bananas when I saw Jay Mattioli on America's Got Talent because he used to come to Siena all the time and he and I chatted:)
10. Did I mention I really miss him? Do you ever not really understand how much you're connected to a person until they are gone? How much you value the role they play in your life, until you can't hug him or talk to him anymore? It's not a love thing. Not in the way you think. I love him (all of the "hims"), but in the way that means that I loved the dynamic between us. I think he gets me, and I get him. And I miss all of the little things.
11. My family is coming! Yay! Is it bad that the one I want to see the most is the 2 year old?
12. Mission prep class = awesomeness.
13. Mission paperwork and fighting the government = NOT awesomeness
14. I never want to work for Squire Sanders for real. Its a GREAT opportunity, and they are great people at a great firm. But its not a fit for me.
15. $300 for a tiny scratch? COME ONNNNNNNN
16. I'd like to have more than just a good day once. Maybe a whole week. A Month?!?!? I feel like this is always short-lived....
But I shall enjoy it while it lasts!
Keep on keepin' on,
Bloggerama
1. I appreciate and adore Valerie Mizer muchisimo.
2. I wish someone would unpack and clean my apartment for me.
3. I need someone to come see Mamma Mia with me!
4. I wanna go on a date.
5. I want to go on a mission more than that.
6. I really miss him more than I ever thought I would or could. And I super miss the "other" him. And the other one too. A lot. Valerie is probably the only person who would understand who each "him" is.
7. I had a good day today :). I got paid, work seemed less than pointless, and I had a day where I felt like I'm worth something. I don't need people to fawn over me and tell me I'm great, but a little flirting once in a while really gives my confidence a boost. I don't feel invisible anymore.
8. I wish i had milk. It's really hard for me to sleep without milk.
9. I went bananas when I saw Jay Mattioli on America's Got Talent because he used to come to Siena all the time and he and I chatted:)
10. Did I mention I really miss him? Do you ever not really understand how much you're connected to a person until they are gone? How much you value the role they play in your life, until you can't hug him or talk to him anymore? It's not a love thing. Not in the way you think. I love him (all of the "hims"), but in the way that means that I loved the dynamic between us. I think he gets me, and I get him. And I miss all of the little things.
11. My family is coming! Yay! Is it bad that the one I want to see the most is the 2 year old?
12. Mission prep class = awesomeness.
13. Mission paperwork and fighting the government = NOT awesomeness
14. I never want to work for Squire Sanders for real. Its a GREAT opportunity, and they are great people at a great firm. But its not a fit for me.
15. $300 for a tiny scratch? COME ONNNNNNNN
16. I'd like to have more than just a good day once. Maybe a whole week. A Month?!?!? I feel like this is always short-lived....
But I shall enjoy it while it lasts!
Keep on keepin' on,
Bloggerama
Friday, May 29, 2009
To My Blogolites:
SO MUCH ON THE BRAIN!!!
1. I've FINALLY resolved and come to the decision that I want to serve a mission, and as soon as possible. I have to work out some situations with school, but then the paperwork goes in! I've been going back and forth for months. And I feel like its not just something I WANT to do, but that I'm being called and need to do it. And since I've made the determination to do it, I've felt such an amazing sensation of peace come over me. I know that it is shaking things up, and I have a feeling I'll be missing some opportunities because of it. But I trust that anything that is meant for me will be waiting for me when I get back. And EVEN BIGGER doors will be opening for me! I'd really like a call to somewhere foreign, but I just want to GO!
2. American Idol is OVA! I wanted Danny to win, so the ending was anti-climatic in any sense of the word. But out of the 2 finalists, I'm happy that Kris won. I heard him sing on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon this week, and he is WAY more talented than I even thought. He's awesome, and I think he'll produce an awesome CD.
3. SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE is back!!! I fell in love with this show when I saw the tour a couple years back. So far is seems that there have been some BREATHTAKING contemporary dancers, but we will see what Vegas week does to people.
4. I think my friendships, especially the ones that I deal with consistently, are back to being normal. I think. In any event, I haven't been nearly as frustrated or disgusted or (insert synonym here) as I had been in the last couple of weeks.
5. Premier of GLEE rocked my socks. My new favorite show. In the fall when it comes back.
6. I wish people would understand the happiness that comes from not compromising your life in the gospel. I mean when you LIVE it, 100% , and don't make excuses and justifications for things, or when you don't walk the line between right and wrong, you feel such peace and contentment and happiness. ITS AWESOME!
7. I'm kinda bored right now. I start work next week so I doubt I'll have time to be bored then. I'm excited and nervous and .........yeah those 2 things. I'm MOST excited about the MONNNNNAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!
8. I thought of something that has really been irritating me. It has to do with the fluctuation of the membership at church. I LOVE all the new people, and am sad when people go. But it seems that all of the guys date or want to date the same 3 or 4 girls. And then they make a big deal about how they've either dated or had the chance to date EVERYONE. And it frustrates me because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for any of them. It makes me feel really undesired. Insert lyrics to TLC's "Unpretty" here_____________________. I don't know what it is about me that isn't what anyone wants. And I'm not overly concerned about it. But lately its kinda been rubbed in my face, and that makes it tough.
But I'm still happy!
XOXO
Blogger Girl
1. I've FINALLY resolved and come to the decision that I want to serve a mission, and as soon as possible. I have to work out some situations with school, but then the paperwork goes in! I've been going back and forth for months. And I feel like its not just something I WANT to do, but that I'm being called and need to do it. And since I've made the determination to do it, I've felt such an amazing sensation of peace come over me. I know that it is shaking things up, and I have a feeling I'll be missing some opportunities because of it. But I trust that anything that is meant for me will be waiting for me when I get back. And EVEN BIGGER doors will be opening for me! I'd really like a call to somewhere foreign, but I just want to GO!
2. American Idol is OVA! I wanted Danny to win, so the ending was anti-climatic in any sense of the word. But out of the 2 finalists, I'm happy that Kris won. I heard him sing on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon this week, and he is WAY more talented than I even thought. He's awesome, and I think he'll produce an awesome CD.
3. SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE is back!!! I fell in love with this show when I saw the tour a couple years back. So far is seems that there have been some BREATHTAKING contemporary dancers, but we will see what Vegas week does to people.
4. I think my friendships, especially the ones that I deal with consistently, are back to being normal. I think. In any event, I haven't been nearly as frustrated or disgusted or (insert synonym here) as I had been in the last couple of weeks.
5. Premier of GLEE rocked my socks. My new favorite show. In the fall when it comes back.
6. I wish people would understand the happiness that comes from not compromising your life in the gospel. I mean when you LIVE it, 100% , and don't make excuses and justifications for things, or when you don't walk the line between right and wrong, you feel such peace and contentment and happiness. ITS AWESOME!
7. I'm kinda bored right now. I start work next week so I doubt I'll have time to be bored then. I'm excited and nervous and .........yeah those 2 things. I'm MOST excited about the MONNNNNAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!
8. I thought of something that has really been irritating me. It has to do with the fluctuation of the membership at church. I LOVE all the new people, and am sad when people go. But it seems that all of the guys date or want to date the same 3 or 4 girls. And then they make a big deal about how they've either dated or had the chance to date EVERYONE. And it frustrates me because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for any of them. It makes me feel really undesired. Insert lyrics to TLC's "Unpretty" here_____________________. I don't know what it is about me that isn't what anyone wants. And I'm not overly concerned about it. But lately its kinda been rubbed in my face, and that makes it tough.
But I'm still happy!
XOXO
Blogger Girl
Monday, May 18, 2009
I just don't know anymore...
I don't understand it. I don't get how I can go from thinking the WORLD of someone, adoring a person, to absolutely hating hearing that person's name and being around that person at all.
I just don't know anymore. I'm tired of being frustrated with all of this.
I just don't know anymore. I'm tired of being frustrated with all of this.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Is it A-D-D if i just want L-O-V-E?
I'm supposed to study. That's what I know. But I'm distracted, hopelessly. Consistently. Distracted.
Every time I start to do something, start to progress, or sit somewhere, I'm hopelessly distracted by my future. I am in a permanent state of daydreaming.
I imagine situations I want to be in. I think about people I want to be with, go places and see things and experience things with. I think about my career and making a difference. I think about someone telling me that I've changed their life.
I think about feeling differently about myself. I think about being the center of attention. I think about being the type of person that catches everyone's eye.
I think about being on TV. About creating tv. Running Tv.
I think about my children. My husband. My in-laws.
I dream about being a singer. About being an actress. About living in front of a camera, or on a stage.
I think about what I would choose for my life and for the people around me, if i could change things in just 1 word.
I think about having all of the answers. About being able to say things to comfort those people who need words of wisdom from me.
I dream about having a best friend. Who needs me. and turns to me for advice. And is always there, no matter what. And comes to me in the good times and bad times. I don't remember the last time I had a best friend. Long ago.
And I think about paradise. I think about my Heavenly Father, and what it must be like to be in His presence. I dream about the day I will see him, see his face. I dream about the Celestial kingdom and everything that will happen there. I think about my family: that will be with me, and the family that won't be. I wonder how those who are not with me will feel, in the kingdoms where they end up.
I'm a hopeless dreamer, but that's because I dream about true love. Not just in the romantic sense, but being truly in love with myself, my life, my job, my place...everything. I'm distracted because I love to love, everything.
Sincerely,
Blogolicious
Every time I start to do something, start to progress, or sit somewhere, I'm hopelessly distracted by my future. I am in a permanent state of daydreaming.
I imagine situations I want to be in. I think about people I want to be with, go places and see things and experience things with. I think about my career and making a difference. I think about someone telling me that I've changed their life.
I think about feeling differently about myself. I think about being the center of attention. I think about being the type of person that catches everyone's eye.
I think about being on TV. About creating tv. Running Tv.
I think about my children. My husband. My in-laws.
I dream about being a singer. About being an actress. About living in front of a camera, or on a stage.
I think about what I would choose for my life and for the people around me, if i could change things in just 1 word.
I think about having all of the answers. About being able to say things to comfort those people who need words of wisdom from me.
I dream about having a best friend. Who needs me. and turns to me for advice. And is always there, no matter what. And comes to me in the good times and bad times. I don't remember the last time I had a best friend. Long ago.
And I think about paradise. I think about my Heavenly Father, and what it must be like to be in His presence. I dream about the day I will see him, see his face. I dream about the Celestial kingdom and everything that will happen there. I think about my family: that will be with me, and the family that won't be. I wonder how those who are not with me will feel, in the kingdoms where they end up.
I'm a hopeless dreamer, but that's because I dream about true love. Not just in the romantic sense, but being truly in love with myself, my life, my job, my place...everything. I'm distracted because I love to love, everything.
Sincerely,
Blogolicious
Thursday, April 30, 2009
La Tortura En Mi Corazon...
For as long as I can remember, I've been afraid of thunderstorms. It doesn't matter where or when they happen, but I get super scared and want to cry or curl up into a ball. Or if I'm alone, I really do cry until its over or I fall asleep.
But I have this vision of meeting someone that captures my attention in a way like no other. I had this dream, of me leaving after a movie night and being surprised that it's raining. Then he laughs at me, and says "Are you kidding? It's been storming for an hour."
I want someone that makes me forget the thunderstorms...
Way I feel about my romantic future: consult lyrics to Adele's "Cold Shoulder" and "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked.
PS: Things on my mind at 2:30 AM....
- I really should study for finals. I can't make myself care 1% about whatever grade I'll get. Not good.
- This swine flu thing is almost funny. I mean, I don't want it. But its interesting to see how quickly people can freak out about something. Why don't people freak out that quickly when they realize they can join the true church? why don't people flock to this?
- I should have bought bread today. Tomorrow.
- there REALLY IS a Law and Order marathon on at any time of the day.
XOXO,
gossip girl.
But I have this vision of meeting someone that captures my attention in a way like no other. I had this dream, of me leaving after a movie night and being surprised that it's raining. Then he laughs at me, and says "Are you kidding? It's been storming for an hour."
I want someone that makes me forget the thunderstorms...
Way I feel about my romantic future: consult lyrics to Adele's "Cold Shoulder" and "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked.
PS: Things on my mind at 2:30 AM....
- I really should study for finals. I can't make myself care 1% about whatever grade I'll get. Not good.
- This swine flu thing is almost funny. I mean, I don't want it. But its interesting to see how quickly people can freak out about something. Why don't people freak out that quickly when they realize they can join the true church? why don't people flock to this?
- I should have bought bread today. Tomorrow.
- there REALLY IS a Law and Order marathon on at any time of the day.
XOXO,
gossip girl.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Because I think a lot of things , all of the time
I've jumped on the blog-wagon. A friend has a pretty cool blog, so I figured that if i just make one that makes me one step closer to being as super cool as she is. And I think a lot of things, about life, all the time.
Maybe I should tell you why I think I'm a life-aholic. I think I am one of the most passionate people on the planet. Read: I am extremely devoted and dedicated to everything I'm a part of, to the best of my ability. Read also: I'm not perfect, and there are parts of my life that need kick in da bootaaayyyy.
How am I a life-aholic? Simple: there are a few things in my life that I'm addicted to. I'm so addicted, that there's no separation between these things and my life. In that sense, I'm addicted to life.
Read: I have a serious television problem. You don't even know, I'm watching TV right now. I sleep with it on. I leave it on when I go to school for fear that some crazy mechanical thing will happen while I'm gone and it won't turn on when I get back. I'm particularly attached to any reality vote-type show (american idol, so you think you can dance). In fact, I've gone to see tour concerts of each. Several times. I need a rehab.
Music. I adore music, any type of music. I could listen to anything and everything and enjoy, minus stuff that has bad language or is porn set to a melody. songs on repeat today: Beyonce's Halo, Britney Spears's I Was Born to Make You Happy, Mozart's Queen of the Night Aria from the Magic Flute.
Friends. I love and adore all of my friends. Some of you are better than others. I really try to be there for people, and to do things for them. Friendships are hard work sometimes, and I'm the kind of person not willing to ever let them go.
Cookies and milk. No lie, I really like cookies and milk. Bedtime snack. Chocolate chip and whole milk. Healthy? Absolutely not. Comforting enough to help me sleep at night? Bingo.
PS- didactic: intending to teach a moral lesson.
Here's to happy blogging....
Maybe I should tell you why I think I'm a life-aholic. I think I am one of the most passionate people on the planet. Read: I am extremely devoted and dedicated to everything I'm a part of, to the best of my ability. Read also: I'm not perfect, and there are parts of my life that need kick in da bootaaayyyy.
How am I a life-aholic? Simple: there are a few things in my life that I'm addicted to. I'm so addicted, that there's no separation between these things and my life. In that sense, I'm addicted to life.
Read: I have a serious television problem. You don't even know, I'm watching TV right now. I sleep with it on. I leave it on when I go to school for fear that some crazy mechanical thing will happen while I'm gone and it won't turn on when I get back. I'm particularly attached to any reality vote-type show (american idol, so you think you can dance). In fact, I've gone to see tour concerts of each. Several times. I need a rehab.
Music. I adore music, any type of music. I could listen to anything and everything and enjoy, minus stuff that has bad language or is porn set to a melody. songs on repeat today: Beyonce's Halo, Britney Spears's I Was Born to Make You Happy, Mozart's Queen of the Night Aria from the Magic Flute.
Friends. I love and adore all of my friends. Some of you are better than others. I really try to be there for people, and to do things for them. Friendships are hard work sometimes, and I'm the kind of person not willing to ever let them go.
Cookies and milk. No lie, I really like cookies and milk. Bedtime snack. Chocolate chip and whole milk. Healthy? Absolutely not. Comforting enough to help me sleep at night? Bingo.
PS- didactic: intending to teach a moral lesson.
Here's to happy blogging....
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