Scared of Lonely

I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely

I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely

I cry at night 'cause my baby's too far to be by my side
To wipe away these tears of mine so I hold my pillow tight
To imagine you I'll stretch your hand looking for mine
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I need your break when nobody is around
'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness
I think I'm drowning, I can't be lonely
And I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of be the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely


Sometimes I wonder if ANYONE I've met in the last year is a genuine, real person. And when I struggle to come up with a name, I struggle to understand and remember why I ever made this choice in the first place.

Should I give up?

Or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if they lead NOWHERE? Or would it be a waste, even if knew my place? Should I leave them there?

1. Saturday was one of the best days EVER. It was like missionary oasis. If you know me, you know that I get attached and many of them are my friends. I got to see some missionaries that gave talks. One missionary and I almost hugged, but fear not....no contact was made. It was super awesome.

2. And then today super sucked.
A. Sucky thing "A": I don't understand why this kid is giving me the cold shoulder. I almost don't care anymore. I'm not trying to marry him, or even date him. But I DO think he's one of the most awesome people on the planet and I thought he'd be a good friend. But alas, it appears that he could care less. And as a result, I guess I could care less too. Shame.

B. Sucky thing "B" : I don't understand how you can continue to act like nothing happened, like you didn't wrong me, like you don't owe me, and like its a non-issue. It IS an issue, and you've don't nothing, and I mean NOTHING to try to make it right. Stop changing the subject, or ignoring me when I bring it up.

C. Sucky thinkg "C": I feel like the people I can really trust ( eh, give or a take a couple) are on missions or live far away. The only people that have shown that they can be good friends. And maybe that's only BECAUSE they are on missions. In any event, it sucks.

D. Sucky thing "D" : You, sir, are the most inconsistent friend I know. One day you'd like to be here, talking to me, hanging out and being "intellectually and spiritually stimulating." But at other times I feel like you don't care that I exist. As long as something better is around, you can't be bothered. And sometimes you're just rude.

E. Sucky thing "E" : I can't stand how people find someone, get in a new relationship, and then as a result become another person and mentally check out. I don't think a person should CHANGE you, he/she should COMPLETE you. so if you are someone new just because you're in a relationship, then you haven't learned enough about yourself from the beginning.

On the plus side of things, sometimes you find the best treats in the most unexpected places:) Thank you ladies, for understanding that I don't need a "perfect" friend, but just a person who's being the best friend that they can be.

And no matter what, I still think something is near for me. My dream and fantasy is close, and I'm learning and loving every minute of it.

Holy Mormon Engagements, Batman!

Sudden surge of engagements. Oh sweet mama. I'll come back to this, but it was one of those things that I just had to vent while I was still here at school.