Let it be me

Let me make this clear...I'm having an incredibly hard time. Nothing is right. I'm confused, hurt, sad, depressed, mad, tired, sick, and anything else you can think of.

But in the middle of all of that, the thought of him helps me understand that God is real, and He does love me. Strange how thinking of him does that, because I'm not sure what I even know about him.


"Let it be me" - Ray LaMontagne

There comes a time, a time in everyone's life
where nothin' seems to go your way
where nothing seems to turn out right.
there may come a time, you just cant seem to find your place.
for every door you open, seems like you get two slammed in your face
that's when you need someone, someone that you can call.
and when all your faith is gone
It feels like you cant go on...
let it be me.
let it be me.
if its a friend that you need,
let it be me
let it be me
feels like you're always coming up last.
pockets full of nothin' and you got no cash
no matter where you turn you aint got no place to stand.
reach out for something and they slap your hand.
now i remember all too well
just how it feels to be all alone.
you feel like you'd give anything
for just a little place you can call your own.
that's when you need someone, someone that you can call.
and when all your faith is gone,
feels like you cant go on...
let it be me.
let it be me.
if its a friend you need,
let it be me.
let it be me.


And the song is not just about him. Sometimes we have friends that we expect to be there when we need them. And sometimes we have friends that we'd never before thought to call on. I've had a super hard time, and you've been an amazingly wonderful friend to me. I appreciate it more than you know! Love you!

Deep inside, it was a rush. What a rush!

Welcome to my insanely huge doesn't make sense totally in love can't live without that boy crush.

I don't know how long I'll be obsessed with this kid. Insert lyrics to David Archuleta's 'Crush' here ______________. But I'm simply fascinated by him. By everything I know about him, and everything I don't know, and everything I want to know.

I'm so unsure of things, often. But I think of him, or look at him, and absolutely feel God's love for me. Does is make sense? No. He's not even mine, yet. But for God to put that much goodness, gorgeousness, intelligence, and amazingness in one person...He HAS to love me. A lot. This kid doesn't have to be mine for me to get that. There's one out there for me, if he isn't it. But I'm pretty sure he is it. Yup. Then all the dreams make sense :).

I want my story to be one that doesn't make sense. I want to meet him and know he's it, and then we move from there. We think about love, we rationalize it. We try to mold it and force it into a box. But I want a love so real and true that I can't even think about it. I just have to feel it. I want the stuff where I can't articulate it to anyone. I want people to think I'm crazy because I haven't known or dated him long enough. I want to love him with my heart, and lose my head doing it.

He has the most breathtaking eyes on the planet. :-)