Learning to love myself unconditionally, because I am a Queen

Dear future hubby,

Here's a list of reasons why you love me. You can't live without me. Well, you could, but you never want to. Here are reasons why you chose me as your eternal companion. This list isn't all - inclusive, ya know.

1. I promise to always care about my relationship with Heavenly Father more than you or I. This isn't being selfish, it's being selfless. I promise to recognize that when we need answers or work, I will turn to the right place. I promise to remember that He has a plan, and that we can get through anything with His help.
2. Let's be real, bi-racial babies are stunningly beautiful. Let's go halvesies on some kids.
3. I'm caring. Kind. Compassionate, and passionate.
4. I'm funny. and goofy. I do my best to cheer you up and make you smile. Your smile makes me smile from the inside out.
5. I have big eyes that see straight into you.
6. My family loves you to death.
7. I am intelligent. and smart. yet still willing to learn.
8. I enjoy doing laundry and washing dishes.
9. I like sports enough to let you watch your games, except during American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance. Unless we have DVR. Then all bets are off.
10. Lady in the streets....;)
11. I'm sick alot, so you get to feel like you're important and take care of me.

REASONS WHY I LOVE YOU BACK

1. You're an honorable priesthood holder.
2. You are strong, trustworthy, and a great leader for our household.
3. You make me truly understand what love is, what the plan of salvation is, and who I am and have the potential to be.
4. You're a genius.
5. You love music almost as much as I do.
6. You're super talented.
7. You're family adores me.
8. You let me watch my shows, even when your game is on.
9. We can be ridiculously goofy around each other.
10. When I look at you, I stop breathing just for a second. You're beautiful.
11. You go out of your way to make me smile.
12. You think I'm perfect, but support me 100% as I try to better myself.
13. You agree to never eat or drink anything blue in the house, and I agree to let you eat seafood in the house as long as you cook it in your own pan. When I'm not home.
14. Our friends respect you highly.
15. You take perfect care of me when I'm sick.

So I thought I'd make these lists to make myself feel better. I know I have certain blessings and promises coming to me, and I don't want to settle for less than perfect for me. I'm not sure who or what or where my future is, but I know that it's amazing. I'm thinking about him tonight.

Until next time,

Senorita Blogacita

Sweet dream, or beautiful nightmare...either way I don't wanna wake up

I'M HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!

Just not soon. I'm not pregnant or working towards it. Cease freaking out.

I've just been having all kinds of pregnancy/baby dreams in the last couple of months. I think that it means a lot of things. Pregnancy dreams usually are regarding a new phase in one's life, excitement for a new beginning. I'm not sure what "new phase" is approaching, but I assure you that I welcome it with open arms.

The other night I had a dream that I had this tiny, tiny baby girl. She had lots of long dark hair. I remember the intense and overwhelming love I had for her. I recall holding her close to me and never wanting to put her down. I remember looking at her and thinking she was the most beautiful thing ever. I remember letting other people hold her, but then always keeping my eye on her and wanting her back. No one could love her like me, and I didn't want her to love anyone more than she loved me.

It was a great feeling, that dream. On the one hand, I think it's an indicator that I will be a mom and a good one at that. But I believe that there is a deeper meaning to this dream.

I have had it rough lately. Lots of bad things and bad feelings. And dealing with 500 gallons of water is NOT FUN. But the night the pipe burst in my apartment, when I prayed, I thanked Heavenly Father that I was still alive. I told Him that I was happy to still have an apartment, even if it is water logged. I told him that I believe in the promises in my patriarchal blessings, and that I need them and want them. I felt complete peace.

And then I had that dream. I think God was trying to show me how he sees me as his daughter. He never wants to let me go, and he has this amazing love for me. Sometimes he lets me wander, but he never loses track of me. When I woke up, I was in awe. I whispered out loud, "You love me that much?" I started thinking about how much I mess up and make mistakes. But he still loves me that much.

I'm glad that I can be an example, lots of people are examples for me. I have the best friends who really and truly have my best interest at heart, even if they aren't great at showing it sometimes.

I really am a life-aholic. I appreciate all of you, some of you more than you can comprehend.

PS: I'm now officially obsessed with chicken wonton tacos from Applebees. MMMM goodness.

Love and Peace,

Lady Blog Blog

That's what you are...

Unforgettable, that's what you are.
Unforgettable, though near or far.
Like a song of love that clings to me,
How the thought of you does things to me,
Never before has someone been more.

Unforgettable, in every way.
And forever more (and forever more)
That's how you'll stay (that's how you'll stay)

That's why darling it's incredible,
That someone so unforgettable,
Thinks that I am unforgettable too.

No never before, has someone been more

Unforgettable (unforgettable) in every way (in every way)
And forever more (and forever more)
That's how you'll stay (that's how you'll stay)

That's why darling, its incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am, unforgettable too

ARGGGGHHHHH

Its after 1 am and I feel the need to vent some things!

1. STOP BECOMING A "FAN" OF RIDICULOUS THINGS ON FACEBOOK. I want to become a fan of "punching people in the face who become a fan of stupid things".
2. Along those lines, I do not want to join your Mafia, farmville, shopping wars crap. I'm busy and facebook already fuels my ADD. i don't need a legitimate reason to be ignoring school work.
3. I miss Natalie and she's been gone less than a day.
4. Missions, weddings, babies. DANG! everything is moving so fast around me! Everyone is taking these big steps and doing big things. My biggest decision today was whether to wear the black slippers or the blue ones. In the end, I didn't wear either pair.
5. I know you think you loved him, and I know you think he loved you too. I believe that there were real feelings, but you HAVE to let this go. If you knew what he was saying, you'd wonder why you were still holding on to this. I don't think it was what you wanted it to be, or that it was what you thought it was. the longer you hold on, you are going to crash and be hurt for letting yourself feel that way. You know you have something amazing for you, focus on that.
6. I need a vacation. I really hope this Disneyland thing works out. I need to visit some magical land where everyone is happy and has fun.
7. I hate goodbyes.
8. I miss my family and really hope someone comes to see me for Christmas.
9. I hate that I'm constantly sick! AHHHH! I need an immune system transplant. Something is always wrong!
10. I've decided that we're going to honeymoon in Fiji or Barbados. I'm sure he likes the idea of Fiji, but doubt he'll go for Barbados. He's more of the exotic place type, he's seen a bunch of beaches in his life. In fact, he'd probably be more up for something like Greece, Italy, or France. I just want to be lazy and look at pretty water.
11. This time last semester I was blogging about how little I cared about final exams. Some things never change.
12. The series finale of Monk made me cry.
13. The fall finales of Glee, White Collar, and Private Practice were AMAZING!
14. Oat Cluster Cheerios rock my world, thanks Nat.
15. I should go to sleep or at least stare at an outline and pretend that I'm studying.

OK. I'm done rambling.

Goodnight and God speed,

Blogolicious

To say it in a song, see my spirit

Well, all I really want to do is love you.
A kind much closer than friends use.
But I still can't say it after all we've been through.

And all I really want from you is to feel me.
As the feeling inside keeps building.
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me.
- Jason Mraz, If It Kills Me (aka Jason/Jeanine make out song)

'Cause I can't keep on feelin' the way I do.
And I can't keep on hidin' my heart from you.
I gotta say something before someone else comes through.
'Cause I can't keep on loving you from a distance.
- Elliot Yamin, Can't Keep Loving You

So maybe it's true, that I can't live without you.
And maybe two is better than one.
But there's so much time, to figure out the best in my life.
And you've already got me coming undone.
And I'm thinking two is better than one.
- Boys Like Girls, Two Is Better Than One

My feelings area always wrapped up in a song lyric. I've been that way for years. But it just doesn't make sense how captivated I am. I'm here and I'm sick, and busy, and I have a million things to do. But I see him everywhere in everything, but I know that I'm probably less than an afterthought for him.

I wish he would see me for my spirit. I think he's a rockstar ;).