Today was a good day. I don't know that anything super special happened. But I did witness one of the most amazing and powerful baptisms. I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU SACHI!!!!
And I got to see some old missionary pals. Fun stuff. But I do think I learned about myself tonight.
1. I DO matter. I may not matter to everyone, or matter much to anyone. But I realized tonight that God does use me as a tool to say and do things to further His work. Maybe someday I'll be important to many. But today, for the first time in a while, I felt and understood that nothing would be the same without me. Be that it would be better, or worse, or just different. But I have an impact on the world. That's a big step for me. I have felt for quite some time that I could be removed from the equation and no one would notice. But alas, that is not the case!
2. I'm a jealous person. More on that later.
3. I like this effort to be less sensitive. I mean, I love my sensitivity. I think it makes me caring and keeps me honest. But I used to take everything personally. And cry about everything. But lately I have really been trying to just let things go. And it makes life much more enjoyable. When I choose not to dwell on things that normally would upset me, or I take the time to understand and validate why I feel the way I do, I understand myself better. And when I understand myself better, I love myself better. And believe it or not, I can love God better when I love myself better. So a big plus.
4. I read and understand behavior and motives very well. And this leads to me being irritated. but I have to learn how to handle that like I have learned in number 3. Also, its only on my mind because of number 2.
Love always,
Blogeramma
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Speaking Louder Than Before
I have failed thee. Thou. All of you. For it hath been many a fortenight since I have blogged to thee. I hope that thou dost forgiveth me.
I have spent the last couple of days really trying to improve myself. I realized that I am quick to point out how others or weak or failing, but I can do much to improve myself.
Namely, I'm trying not to be so sensitive. I cry a lot. And I get angry very easily. But 2 things have really hit me in the heart.
1. I saw a YouTube video that made me cry. It demonstrated how much the Savior loves me, and fights off everything that I fear just because he cares for me. Watch it.
2. Something I heard from MercyMe at the last concert stuck with me. He was talking about how such bad things can happen, or things we don't understand. Even when you're trying to do your best. But in those times, God leans down and whispers in your ear "Watch. Wait and see how this pans out." How awesome to think that Heavenly Father knows me personally, by name. He knows that things bother me. And he knows I have a hard time. But he cares enough for me, personally, to whisper to me and let me know that He has a plan. He wouldn't do anything that wasn't for my good in the end. And no matter how bad I think things are, He always can turn it into a blessing for my life. When you don't understand why things are the way they are, imagine God's comforting hand on your shoulder. And Him saying to you..."just wait and see. I love you...this is going to work out." He knows all and controls all.
When I think about that kinds of love, I'm totally at peace. I'm motivated to do better and become stronger. I'm not worried about the things of this earth, and gaining recognition. I feel his arms around me and I'm not just content, but I'm genuinely happy.
Yay!
Now that those sentiments have been edified, I'm moving on to the annoying stuff.
1. I hate when people think the world centers around them. Its usually pretty girls....or girls slightly less than pretty. they think everyone wants them. It's vain. And irritating.
2. I'm sick of psuedo-friends. People that are there for you when its convenient. And when something better comes along, you're totally forgotten.
3. I need a vacation. Where I can relax and have fun.
4. I'm kinda into law school now that I do the work and understand it. Go figure.
I have spent the last couple of days really trying to improve myself. I realized that I am quick to point out how others or weak or failing, but I can do much to improve myself.
Namely, I'm trying not to be so sensitive. I cry a lot. And I get angry very easily. But 2 things have really hit me in the heart.
1. I saw a YouTube video that made me cry. It demonstrated how much the Savior loves me, and fights off everything that I fear just because he cares for me. Watch it.
2. Something I heard from MercyMe at the last concert stuck with me. He was talking about how such bad things can happen, or things we don't understand. Even when you're trying to do your best. But in those times, God leans down and whispers in your ear "Watch. Wait and see how this pans out." How awesome to think that Heavenly Father knows me personally, by name. He knows that things bother me. And he knows I have a hard time. But he cares enough for me, personally, to whisper to me and let me know that He has a plan. He wouldn't do anything that wasn't for my good in the end. And no matter how bad I think things are, He always can turn it into a blessing for my life. When you don't understand why things are the way they are, imagine God's comforting hand on your shoulder. And Him saying to you..."just wait and see. I love you...this is going to work out." He knows all and controls all.
When I think about that kinds of love, I'm totally at peace. I'm motivated to do better and become stronger. I'm not worried about the things of this earth, and gaining recognition. I feel his arms around me and I'm not just content, but I'm genuinely happy.
Yay!
Now that those sentiments have been edified, I'm moving on to the annoying stuff.
1. I hate when people think the world centers around them. Its usually pretty girls....or girls slightly less than pretty. they think everyone wants them. It's vain. And irritating.
2. I'm sick of psuedo-friends. People that are there for you when its convenient. And when something better comes along, you're totally forgotten.
3. I need a vacation. Where I can relax and have fun.
4. I'm kinda into law school now that I do the work and understand it. Go figure.
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